But where have I been?

I’ve been away for a while it seems. There are several reasons for this and in the interest in remaining true to myself by not pretending to be someone I’m not while blogging I will let you know why (one of my biggest issues with the blog world is that we can portray ourselves to be amazing cooks, moms, yogis, leaders, people, when really, we’re imperfect and have complete control of what we can write and how people will perceive us).

1. I think it’s extremely important for me to writen when *I* want to write. I’ve learned over the last 4 months that when I do something because I feel like I should or that other people want me to I lose interest really quickly. I blog in part for the readers out there, so that I may share some of the things that I have learned along the (very bumpy, ever evolving) path of parenting 2 celiac and allergic children, but I also blog for me. Blogging allows me to have a creative outlet. I need creativity and for now, I need to have a lot of control over that creativity. Blogging gives me that.

2. I’m very intraspective right now. I’m trying to heal (see point #3) and in order for me to do that, I spend a lot of time inside my own head and body trying to make everything work the way it should. I spend a lot of time doing yoga, both in a studio and at home. I spend a lot of time agonizing about what to eat and when (I’m often not hungry). And I spend a lot a lot a lot of time resting and sleeping.

3. I’m extremely anxious right now. I’ve suffered through various degrees of mental illness for years (realistically, since childhood), and right now I’ve got an anxiety bump in the road. Lots of panic attacks, mostly mild in nature, lots of heart palpitations (I have a heart arhythmia), and lots of not fun times.

I normally wouldn’t blog about such a personal matter, which is why I haven’t blogged in a long time. But realistically, I know that I’m not alone – lots of you out there suffer from anxiety, whether it be post-partum, every day, situational, etc. And yet, even with anxiety, many of us still maintain some semblance of day to day living. We still need to provide for our families, or ourselves, whether it be through food, hugs, working, or anything in between. I still put my children to bed each night and cuddle them in close. I still make sure they are well fed within the limits of their diets (and make them try new foods whenever I can). I still get out of bed each day and 98% of the time I get out of my pyjamas too.

Each day is a new one, and I’m learning to embrace that. I’m learning that regardless of our restrictions, we are still amazing people who do amazing things. While getting out the door for a yoga class is about as much as I can do right now, others of you get out of bed and go to work every day, or work to a greater goal. Each day should be celebrated – it’s the last time you’ll have that one day in particular.

So go ahead, whatever might be troubling you today, be thankful for today. Embrace today. And know that tomorrow is always a new day.

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