Raw Truth

I’m spent. I am absolutely, unequivocally spent.

This yoga challenge has me raw. I am sensitive. I get angry easily. I am so raw that I’m afraid if someone looks at me for more than a quick glance, they will see my entire being.

As much as I post, talk, socialize, I’m a private person. Few people know me to the core. Hell, I don’t think I know myself to the core sometimes. But this yoga challenge is getting my core (and not just the ab part of it).

I didn’t have a great morning. My mind was too busy during my morning practice and I couldn’t get it to stop. I’m learning to slow my mind down, to let go, and to enjoy my meditation and practice. This has been a constant during this 30 day yoga challenge (of which I’ve just finished the complete first week! Victory!). I am constantly in an internal battle. I am constantly trying to quiet my mind while also trying to acknowledge what comes up so that I can address is and move on from it.

My morning was sluggish. Then right before lunch, Mr Man got hurt outside. He got hurt enough to make an emergency call to our dentist and to be really concerned. He will have to have dentist appointments and follow ups to make sure that his tooth that he landed on is okay and that his gums heal properly. He won’t be able to bite anything for a while with his front teeth.

I’m sure every mother feels the same way – I hate when my kids get hurt. We’ve been lucky so far – we’ve avoided stitches, casts, and anything else major. Sure, we’ve had 3 surgeries between 2 kids, but they weren’t injured. Seeing your child get hurt hurts your core. And my core was already sensitive.

Yoga makes me learn more about myself on a daily basis. A 30 day yoga challenge is hard. You go to the brink emotionally, and you’re pushed pretty hard physically. Even if you pick those gentler classes, you’re still getting deep into your muscles, and if you take a Yin class like I did this morning, you get pretty deep into the tissues. My body is tired and yet I’m fighting through it.

Every day that I learn more I grow more. Every day that I feel raw, I learn something about my strength. Yoga makes me strong – mentally and physically. When I practice yoga, my anxiety diminishes. In fact, looking back, I think I’ve only had 2 episodes of anxiety all week.

Maybe being raw is turning out to be more beneficial than I originally thought..

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2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Tiffany
    Oct 01, 2012 @ 03:27:22

    Keep pressing forward 🙂 the yoga practice (and life) gets easier once you learn to ride the waves. Kudos to you xx

    Reply

  2. Lindsay
    Oct 01, 2012 @ 16:05:41

    Sounds like your yoga practice today was taking care of your lil’ one too! Remember, that same love and compassion you have for your kids is like the self love we can bring into our yoga practice. Your experience as “feeling raw” reminds me of the challenge of being open, honest and vulnerable- there is an underlining softness that comes (and with time, a quiet mind!).
    Thank-you for sharing your real and raw yogic journey (it’s never as glamourous as in the magazines) 🙂

    Reply

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