You Gotta Know When to Fold ‘Em

Ah life.

Today was day 20 in the yoga challenge. I took a class called Hatha Raja. It worked with pranayama (breath) and long-held postures. It’s a bit of an intense class – basically it can bring up a lot of shit. It was hard for me, but I did it (every time I do something I think is hard mentally, I consider it a large victory). And now I’m exhausted.

I’m exhausted. All. The. Time.

On Wednesday I decided I needed to make some changes in order to help me get through this. So I’ve decided to take a step back from my 30 day yoga challenge. I’m realizing that my physical and mental body is extremely fatigued. I can barely actually make it through a yoga class right now without wanting to leave it because I’m exhausted in some form or another. Yoga typically helps me – it grounds me, teaches me to focus, teaches me to have strength, and teaches me that I’m stronger than I often realize. Right now, I feel like forcing myself to do this challenge is working against all of those things. I will still be partaking in some of the classes, but not all of them.

I need to do this for me. In order for me to be a better mother, better wife, and better me, I need to respect myself and follow my gut. I’m very aware of my current limitations and I need to let that be okay.

I’m trying to be more gentle with myself. The other night I decided I was going to take a bath. I brought a book in – Living Your Yoga by Judith Lasater. My mother had bought me this book when I was in Ottawa this summer and I had loved reading it. Sometime between then and now though, I’d forgotten about it. I picked it up the other evening and the first page I opened to was the chapter entitled Letting Go. I literally snapped my head back in shock, and then I burst out laughing. Life has a way of leading you exactly where you need to be at any given moment.

This morning in the Hatha Raja class (Sean was the instructor), he closed it by saying “Respect you. Love you. Be you.”

And that’s just what I’m doing.

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