Do you love you?

My daughter is growing up. So is my son. The other day, Mr Man so eloquently said “Mama, you have a big bum. But I love it.”

Was I supposed to be insulted or complimented? He’s 6 1/2 so I’m never too sure.. he’s still developing that whole tact/thinking before you speak/learn when to keep your mouth shut thing.

But then it got me thinking. A lot. About how I view myself physically and emotionally.

I haven’t weighed myself in almost 3 months. Sometimes I want to know, but most of the time I now look at it from a different way: what is it protraying to my children if I weigh myself multiple times a week/month/year? Is it telling them that unless the number says something specific then I’m not good enough? Or that I’m doing something wrong? Is it saying that I can’t view myself in a certain way regardless of my weight?

This year has been trying absolutely. It’s been a huge test of my ability to remain calm and sane for that matter. But even though I do joke sometimes and say things like “I’m crazy… my mother had me tested” (spin off from the Big Bang Theory’s Sheldon who constantly replies “I’m not crazy.. my mother had me tested” whenever someone insinuates otherwise) I also have embraced the fact that mental illness is okay to have! It’s okay to be anxious, it’s okay to get depressed. It’s not something anyone WANTS to happen, but it happens. I’m getting help. I’m being proactive. And I will once again get a place of stability. Until then, I’m cutting me a whole bunch of slack.

My mother has often told me that I’m harder on myself than anyone else. Although I don’t remember very much of my childhood, I distinctly remember one time where I waited until (gasp) the day before to write an essay that was due. Normally I was done days (and sometimes weeks) ahead. I only ever once pulled an all nighter in my whole life for school. I hated being under stress while working. But that one time, that’s what I did. And then the printer didn’t work. And I freaked out. In that moment I realized that I really was very hard on myself. There were lots of ways to get around it but instead I sat there and cried while my parents tried to fix it.

And I’m hard on my own body. I complain about my mummy tummy, my wide hips (thanks mom..), my bubble butt. But you know what? I have a mummy tummy because i’m a mom. I birthed 2 beautiful babies and any ounce of extra skin, flab, etc I have around that region is a testament to how I grew those babies inside me. I was huge in both my pregnancies and my skin stretched and flared. But I grew those babies proudly. My tummy has been continuously shrinking over the last number of months with all the yoga I’ve been doing, but even if it never gets flat again, I’ll be okay. It’s there because of something I did proudly.

And my hips.. well, they didn’t help out in birth much but you know what? I like my curves. I like that I have hips that are wider than average. It gives me shape! Just like my bubble butt. My girl has a bubble butt and man alive that thing is cute! So when did I stop thinking mine was? When did it become not okay to have a bum?

People.. all I’m saying is take a new look at yourself. Appreciate yourself. Teach your children that accepting yourself is the most important thing. Love yourself before anything else. And know that no one is perfect.


2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Erin
    Dec 07, 2012 @ 15:44:45

    Amanda, that is absolutely beautiful. It takes so much work to get to this stage of self acceptance and love. Its an amazing thing, my friend. xoxo


  2. Micheline
    Dec 08, 2012 @ 15:37:52

    Bubble butt? What a cute expression, I love it! Hate to tell you but that too is hereditary! Haven’t you ever noticed mine! 🙂 Great blog! Very insightful. My take is everything in moderation and good health is key – physical and mental – so love your body as long as you are doing what is necessary to keep it healthy. And, for the record, I love you just the way you are! 🙂


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